Gayl

There are two terrible things about losing Gayl. The first is that everyday I wake to find that she is not here and I must live another day with the knowledge that I will not see her or be with her. The second is that it was so useless, she was murdered by bureaucrats; people who interfered and prevented her from getting the surgery that would have saved her life. All in the name of obeying rules without any thought for their effect on her or even if they applied. Gayl had horrible pain for 19 years, 19. And they did not believe her, they thought she was lying in an attempt to get drugs. So, when her cancer was so advanced that she gushed blood with every step, they finally relented and let her have the surgery we had begged for, and it worked. The horrible pain went away. Grasp that if you can; her daily pain was worse than the pain caused by abdominal cancer 30 days before the end. Imagine the pain, the agony; and then imagine the government bureaucrats calling you a liar for 19 years, people saying you are a drug addict, and government people stopping you from getting the surgery you need. Imaging, if you can, the evil in those bureaucrats' hearts. Gayl was tortured to death by bureaucrats in the US; if they had left us alone she would be alive today and I would be with her. But she died in pain, uselessly, so that no bureaucrat would have to take responsibility for letting her have the surgery she needed. God may have mercy on their souls; all I can do is pray He does not and that He turns a deaf ear to their prayers.

I miss Gayl

Missing Gayl

I cry for Gayl
For all that could have been
And wasn't
For all there should have been
And won't
For all the pain and hurt she suffered
Without plait but for no reason
For my own stupid inability
To help, to save, to fix
To forestall or prevent any of the disasters
To prevent the end that I did not want
For all the evil the world did to her
That in my weakness and uselessness
I could not prevent
For the shattering loss to me
And to the world
For the darkness that fell
And has not lifted
For the inability of the world
To appreciate her and cherish her
As she so deserved
For the lack of recognition of her,
Her skill, her caring, her intelligence
Her singular worth as a woman & friend
Her unknown valor and courage
The lack of mourning for her
The total futility of it
The fact that it was not necessary
That we almost beat it all, together
For the evil of the bureaucracy
Their heartlessness, mindless cruelty
Their beastiality
I cry because I miss her so
And because there is a hole in me
For which there is no cure or patch
I do not cry because I will never see her again,
Because I know I will, thanks to
Jesus
I cry because the world is cruel
And has destroyed she which is best
Without thought to the loss

Gayl is a winner

I have always struggled with the problem of how to describe Gayl when she was treating a patient. Gayl is a loving, kind, tender, thoughtful, considerate, modest, intelligent, humble, serving, self-effacing person; and the best wife any man could have. THE VERY BEST. But, there is this other side of her; the side that came out in the ER, or by the side of the road with a wreck, or in any crisis where death is on the line. Then, there is this air about her, this way of acting, this self-confidence., this lack of doubt. There is this fire in her blue eyes and she is all business focused, determined, take no prisoners, don't tell me the cost attitude. An attitude that she was going to inevitably beat Death and save this person. Inevitably. There is this old saying about fighting dogs, that the leader of the pack knew he would win the fight and that it was inevitable. That's how it is with Gayl. Her attitude when fighting Death for a patient was that it was inevitable that she would win, that Death was overmatched. Really, that was the way it seemed when you watched her. You had to be there to know what I mean, to see that attitude about her. But it was not a cocky attitude, it was self-assured and determined. Gayl would just not entertain the possibility of losing her patient, ever. Most guys don't have it, most military people don't have it; Gayl has it by the bucket-load. And at the same time, the nurses and the patients liked her. Mano-a-mano against Death, and she was still nice and kind to the people around her. No one can top that, no one.

And I seem to be the only person who weeps for her loss.

I can't wait to see Gayl again

I don't see why the world was so hurtful and mean to Gayl when she was only ever nice and helpful and saved lives.

A mockingbird gone

In all the years I knew her, Gayl never hurt anyone. All she did was try to please people, do good for people, use her medical skill to help people, and be a Christian witness. She is kind, loving, and harmless. She never did a wrong, and her kindness and caring was admired and desired by every patient she ever had. Yet, two states bumbled and stumbled; two states' worth of bureaucrats placed their careers ahead of any honesty or attempt to find the truth. Its wrong to harm anything that just tries to please and harms no one. A mockingbird is gone, for no good reason; and the world is poorer for it. I wonder how God judges what has happened?